


Bittersweet

by noxdolcis



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, julian the arcana, julian x female mc, julian x mc, julian x the apprentice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-03-11 19:11:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13530762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noxdolcis/pseuds/noxdolcis
Summary: A short story filling in what happened during the night Julian and the apprentice shared a bed, to cause Julian to run away in the morning. Written from Julian's POV.One night when Julian and Ava share a bed, he finds himself thinking about what she means to him, and what this means for the future.





	Bittersweet

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a little scene I wrote while waiting for the next book. I wanted to write something fluffy and angsty about why Julian left the morning after they shared a bed.  
> It's written in a way that it doesn't matter whether you've played the paid scene or not, it works either way.

“Errmm… ugh,” Julian sputtered. He was still half asleep, swiping at whatever was itching his face, when he realised it was hair. His eyes fluttered open and when he saw the long braid of thick black hair, he remembered where he was. 

His head was resting on Ava’s face, and his arm was loosely wrapped around her waist. Ava was slumped somewhat awkwardly against the headrest; Jullian remembered her pulling him back into the bed a few hours earlier, when nightmares had woken him. Despite his predisposition for insomnia, her soothing presence had quickly made him drift back off to sleep again. 

Julian raised himself on his elbow, so he could more easily look up at Ava’s face. A thick lock of hair had come loose from her braid and had fallen in her face. Julian reached out, and after a short hesitation, brushed the lock out of her face. Ava moved in response to the gentle touch of his fingers. A soft sound escaped her lips. Julian froze, worried he’d woken her, but her breath remained steady.

“ _ Ava _ ...,” he whispered to himself. Julian felt his heart swell with warmth and affection for her. How that could be after just such a short time, he did not understand. He had always been one to not deny himself his interests, but this was different. From the first time they’d met, Ava had had his full attention. Every hour they spent with each other he felt closer to her. He could count the times they had seen each other on one hand, but still it felt like there was already a lifetime of love there. 

Julian rested his head on Ava’s chest again, closing his eyes as he enjoyed the sensation of her heart beating, her scent, and the strange familiarity he already felt. “Ohh Ava,” he whispered against her chest, “how I wish we could stay in this room... just like this...”

Ava stirred and then, very softly spoke. Julian couldn’t understand her at first, but then she repeated the words, and Julian’s breath caught in his throat.

“Stay with me Julian,” her soft voice rose up.

“Ava?” Julian looked up, he felt himself panic a little, caught in a confession he hadn’t meant for her to hear. “You’re  _ awake… _ ” the words died in his throat as it became clear she was not in fact, awake. 

“... _ Julian… _ ,” Ava mumbled, clearly vast asleep. She snuggled closer to him, her arm wrapping around him tightly.  _ Was she dreaming of him? _

Julian felt a rush of emotion. Whether it were the words she’d spoken or her arm holding on to him, he felt his heart overflow with affection. And for a moment, he felt happy. 

But then a terrible sadness washed over him. Suddenly the sanctuary of this small room was breached and the world and all its troubles came rushing back in.

_ Stay with you _ , Julian thought,  _ that’s one thing I can’t do. _ He held no illusions about what his ultimate fate in this city would be; how it would all end for him. For a moment he could see that day: Ava in a crowd of angry people, tears running down her face as she watched the noose slip around his neck.

Julian shook his head. That was is fate. But it didn’t have to be hers. _ It wouldn’t be hers. _

Julian climbed out of the bed, taking care not to wake Ava. How selfish had he been with her? How many moments of happiness would he steal, how far down this path would he let her come along, before accepting he had to stop... whatever it was between them. 

Julian refused to risk anyone else paying for his crimes. He was already too reckless with letting the townspeople hide him, but he wouldn’t let Ava take the same risks. He had to leave, now. Sever the connection between them. Ava might hate him for it, but he would gladly suffer her anger to keep her safe.

Julian knew what he had to do, but still he didn’t move. He just stood there, looking at Ava’s sleeping form on the bed, the soft expression on her face, her messy braid, the undershirt she was sleeping in. He didn’t want to leave. He wanted to spend every hour with her. He wanted it all. All the things he’d let go, the things he had accepted would never be possible for him. But Ava made them seem possible. She made him want to try.

Julian shook his head and quickly started gathering his things. His arms full, he moved to leave. He lingered at the curtain just a little longer, looking back at her in lieu of a proper goodbye, before forcing himself out of the room.

Julian got dressed quickly, not giving himself the chance to change his mind. When Ava woke he would be gone, and she… she would simply go back to her store and forget about the hours they had spent together. And even as he realised he would not forget, he’d force himself to never seek Ava out again.  _ To let her forget about him _ . 

Julian’s hand hovered above the doorknob, he couldn’t help but look back at the curtain. He was painfully aware that he could still turn back, get back into the bed, before Ava would even miss him. But he felt if he did that, he’d never walk away again. It had to happen now.

Julian opened the front door, and forcing his feet forward, he slipped into the night, Ava’s words still ringing in his ears.


End file.
